rockingyourrole

For women who Rock their Role in work and life

Archive for the category “Emotions”

Is it easier for women to be breadwinners in Denmark than in the UK?

The guest blog is written by Rachael Sterrett, founder of Getting it write dk she works with companies in Denmark who wish to develop an international focus to their marketing.  Rachael moved to Denmark with her husband and two children in 2011 and started her own company last year.   

Rachael Sterrett

Rachael Sterrett, founder of Getting it write dk

“In Denmark it is not necessary to choose between job and children – it is possible to have both.” Kirstie Wild

In the UK as the number of female breadwinners increases significantly, there is intense debate around the challenges of managing “breadwinner status”, the need for better more cost-effective childcare and demands for more flexible working conditions for both men and women.

However, the social system already in place may put Danish women ahead of the game, facilitating an easier transition into new working roles. Denmark has had a head start on equality for many years and already has very generous maternity benefits, flexible working conditions and affordable high quality childcare.

Kirstie Wild, EU Science Funding Consultant at the Danish Institute for Technology moved to Denmark with her husband and 6 year old twins in December 2008.  Despite planning a career break in Denmark she soon realized that, “It was not necessary to choose job or children – it is possible to have both. The Danish work-life balance is so much better than in the UK.”

In my experience, the economy in Denmark is built on two incomes. There isn’t a term for “breadwinner”, as it is expected that both partners will be working. However, the working conditions and childcare provision also accommodate this. There is very little requirement for parents to attend school events during the day (sports days/nativity plays) alleviating the guilt felt by missing these events, and the stress spent trying to “make” them on time. Danish children are self-reliant from a very early age, with many going to school on their own from the age of 7, relieving parents of “school run” stress.

There is a high degree of self worth amongst Danish women and much less guilt. So what happens when Danish women, despite being equal, start to by-pass their men and earn more than their partners? In the last 15 years women’s share of top earners, the Golden Percentile (gyldne procent), has doubled to 18%. The number of women starting their own businesses has increased to 33% and Denmark is ranked 7 overall for gender equality in the Global Gender Gap Report 2012 (with the UK at 18).

Whilst there is some discussion in the Danish media on the impact of “TopKvinder” (top female earners), there is also notable discussion on the challenge it poses for men. Kenneth Reinicke from Roskilde University is often quoted in articles about gender roles from the male perspective. There is also growing interest in how relationships are affected by changes in earnings. Recent research, In Sickness and in Wealth published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin concluded that Danish men were more likely to suffer from erectile dysfunction when their wives earned marginally more than them, and that women who earned more than their husbands suffered from increased anxiety and insomnia.

So when all things are equal, even in Denmark, the last taboo of women earning more than their partners can still be threatening for some couples remaining hidden from public view behind the closed doors of the bedroom.

Rachael Sterrett, Getting it write dk.

“Jenny has been instrumental in keeping me motivated and focused on my business through monthly coaching sessions during the long winter months”.

 

Feel free to contact me on +44 (0) 844 776 4744 or email jenny@reflexion-uk.co.uk or info@rockingyourrole.com

I am Jenny Garrett, Executive Coach, founder of Reflexion Associates, a leadership and coaching consultancy and author or Rocking Your Role – the how to guide to success for female breadwinners. Find out more about me, my programmes, speaking engagements and training at rockingyourrole.com and sign up for my newsletter

Advertisements

Lean In with…….Chocolate

Sheryl Sandberg Lean In groups

Sheryl Sandberg Lean In groups

There has been a lot of talk about Sheryl Sandberg’s new book, telling women to ‘Lean in’.  By encouraging women to ‘lean in’, Sheryl is encouraging women not to sabotage their own careers by shying away from the top jobs, but lean in to the opportunities instead.  I was interested to find that she is planning to launch ‘Lean in’ groups for women.

This is a great idea, although Inge Woudstra from Mum & Career and I had thought of it first!

We are running 3 hour Saturday morning sessions where women can benefit from networking and putting strategies together to advance their personal and professional lives.

These sessions will be expertly facilitated by us – we are trained action learning facilitators.

They are not just a talking shop or tea and sympathy but action oriented, experience packed events to take you towards your goals.

What’s even more exciting is the venue is Daskalides Belgian chocolatier in Covent Garden.

I am sure the smell of chocolate will help our creative juices flow.

Daskalides chocolatier in Covent Garden.

Lean in with Chocolate – Creative Solution Groups

Daskalides chocolatier in Covent Garden.

Venue for Creative Solution Groups askalides chocolatier in Covent Garden.

The first event will take place on Saturday 4th May.

You can take advantage of the early bird price until 1st April

You can book here, or call me on 0844 776 4744 for more information

I am Jenny Garrett, Executive Coach, founder of Reflexion Associates, a leadership and coaching consultancy and author or Rocking Your Role – the how to guide to success for female breadwinners. Find out more about me, my programmes, speaking engagements and training at rockingyourrole.com and sign up for my newsletter

Beat your business fears – infographic

We’ve all heard the saying, feel the fear and do it anyway, but that’s easier said than done.
Sometimes we also need a compelling reason to give us the push we need.
Well as per the infographic created by the great team at Sage below, the UK could receive a much needed boost of 33 million if a few more of us took the leap.
Is that enough of an incentive for you?

Sage beat business fears infographic
This infographic was produced by Sage UK

I am Jenny Garrett, Executive Coach, founder of Reflexion Associates, a leadership and coaching consultancy and author or Rocking Your Role – the how to guide to success for female breadwinners. Find out more about me, my programmes, speaking engagements and training at rockingyourrole.com and sign up for my newsletter

5 Reasons Why Women Feel So Guilty

Amber Khan is one of the guest speakers on my Women’s Leadership Success programme taking place on 4th March, 2013

Below she shares her thoughts on why women feel so guilty.

9a59560be6535da6ef20b75b7a52d073Women can feel guilty about any & everything. For many women, the driving force in their lives is guilt. Somewhere along the way, it all becomes a matter of doing it all.

According to a daily mail article, a survey has found that more than 96 per cent of women feel guilty at least once a day, while for almost half, the feeling strikes up to four times a day.

Women tend to…

  • Be perfectionists. You feel guilty because you feel as though you have to live up to unrealistic expectations, and you cannot make mistakes.
  • Blame themselves. If you fail at even the slightest thing, you start to blame yourself for not being good enough. Then you feel guilty for being somehow “lesser than” all those women/mothers who seem to be doing it right.
  • Can’t say No. Throughout history, women have been those who pleased others. Admit it we are people pleasers. Even when you really want to say NO, the only 3 letter word which comes out of your mouth is YES. If you do say No, the feeling immediately turns into guilt.
  • Put others first. We care for our partners, families, friends & co-workers. We do & buy things for them but feel guilty when we consider those things for ourselves or even to take time out for ourselves.
  • Be control freak. We tend to take responsibility of everything at work or at home and shy away from delegating chores. Why? Because we are afraid of losing control. We’d rather boast about our multi-tasking skills than face the music of feeling ill, stressed, overweight & exhausted.

The guilt builds and builds until it becomes not a consequence, but rather, that driving force that keeps you moving forward even as a little piece of you is screaming to slow down, take a deep breath, take it easy, and don’t let life sweep you away with the tidal wave.

Do you recognise any of the above traits in yourself, found yourself nodding away to some?

Come along to the Women’s Leadership Success programme to find strategies to ditch the guilt

I am Jenny Garrett, Executive Coach, founder of Reflexion Associates, a leadership and coaching consultancy and author or Rocking Your Role – the how to guide to success for female breadwinners. Find out more about me, my programmes, speaking engagements and training at rockingyourrole.comand sign up for my newsletter

How to make your Marriage more Exciting

Happy Couple sitting under a treeAny long-term relationship will need invigorating at some point. Busy lives, children, work and the drudgery of life (by drudgery I mean housework) can really get in the way of focusing on your relationship.
Before you know it, you haven’t really spoken in a week. Ships passing in the night, living in the same home, but having a pretty transactional relationship, or just too tired to engage and taking each other for granted.

Here are 5 ways to make your Marriage more Exciting

1. Discover together
Whether it’s a new restaurant, new country, new sport or new hobby, discover something that neither of you have tried nor experienced before and go for it. This will provide you with something different to talk about and share, you are likely to realize that there is still more to learn about each other.

2. Nurture
You don’t expect your plants to survive without water, or your friends to keep calling if you take no interest in them, do you? In the same way your partnership cant thrive without some commitment to helping it grow and develop. Regular date nights, even if they are at home with a movie and a picnic on your living room floor are critical for reconnecting.

3. Look and feel ‘hot’
I know you want to relax when you get home, slip on that onesie and a pair of slippers, but what does that do for your marriage? If you feel your best, your partner will sense that and make the effort also, helping you to rekindle your attraction to each other.

4. Reminisce
Perhaps you have kids who have taken over most of your daytime hours, or are working or studying hard. With these demands it’s easy to forget the good times and what interested you about partner in the first place. You could watch your wedding video, look at old photos, or revisit the music you both loved when you first met. This will reawaken the emotions you felt when you were first together.

5. Create a sanctuary
Have a space in your home where distractions such as mobile phones and TV’s are not allowed, so that you can focus on each other. Talking, listening and relaxing in comfort, nurturing your friendship.

Marriage is a marathon not a sprint, so don’t think that you can do this for a week and then forget about it. It’s a continual commitment that will reap real rewards. Give it a try.

I’ll leave you with a quote from Barbara de Angelis

Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.

I am Jenny Garrett, Executive Coach, founder of Reflexion Associates, a leadership and coaching consultancy and author or Rocking Your Role – the how to guide to success for female breadwinners. Find out more about me, my programmes, speaking engagements and training at rockingyourrole.com and sign up for my newsletter

Caring for ageing parents

Caring for elderly parents

Caring for elderly parents

As I visited my grandmother in hospital this week, with my Mum by her side and my daughter by mine.  I was struck by the fact that it is nearly always the woman’s responsibility to be the carer for elderly relatives.  We usually do it willingly and without thinking about it, but nevertheless it is usually down to us.

Combine that with having your own children and a career and there isn’t much space for you in the picture.  My Mum is devoted, she works a full day as a teacher and visits my grandmother every single day, she wouldn’t think of doing anything else.  Even if my grandmother is grumpy or ungrateful one day she keeps coming back the next.

When it’s a week of even a month of someone being ill you can just about handle it but my grandmother has been in hospital for over two months and will need caring when she leaves.  I know my Mum is not alone, my sister-in-law was recently in this position, with two young children, a partner, a home and career to manage it wasn’t easy.  With women in particular living longer, the likelihood is that many of you reading this will be in the same position.

So how do you cope?  I don’t think that there are any easy answers.  We love our relatives, and love means that we do extraordinary things: self-less, kind and maybe illogical things to care for them.

Here are some suggestions, but I would love to hear yours:

Decide on how much time, you will give – you can spend 3 hours or thirty minutes visiting a relative, does the quantity of time matter? Is just seeing you good enough? How does the amount of time affect you?  Maybe one hour feels good, 2 hours feels exhausting or you start thinking about all of the other things that are piling up that you need to do.  Only you can decide.

Don’t wait for others to offer – I am sorry to say it but others don’t think.  They often don’t think to offer, especially if you are demonstrating that you are self-sufficient and have it all under control.  Maybe others cant visit every day, but at least once a week to give you time off with the piece of mind that they are checking to ensure everything is OK.

Don’t make ‘carer’ your only role in life – studying, working, time out with friends gives you an identity, in addition to the role of carer, and they will be a welcome reprieve so don’t let them drift.  Explain your situation to your employer, tutor etc, so that they’ll understand if you are not performing at your peak.

In the UK, there is sometimes a small allowance for carers, which might enable you to go for a massage a few times a year.  Whatever you can do to have some respite time, do it, it will keep you sane.

This is definitely not easy and I recommend that you talk to others if it is becoming too much for you.

Good Luck and wishing the happiest and healthy life possible for you and yours.

I am Jenny Garrett, Executive Coach, founder of Reflexion Associates, a leadership and coaching consultancy and author or Rocking Your Role – the how to guide to success for female breadwinners. Find out more about me, my programmes, speaking engagements and training at rockingyourrole.com and sign up for my newsletter

Self-Confidence, Self-Criticism and Self-Sabotage

I came across this Blog by Ann Ulrich through one of the members of my LinkedIn group Afi Afori, who incidentally has launched the Women in Sales awards which will take place this year

Every one of us needs to be confident about what we have to offer the world.  For some reason the self-criticim and self-sabotage is more apparent among women.  I wont go into what I feel the reasons are here, although I know it starts from childhood

Anyway read Ann’s article and let me know what you think Self-Confidence, Self-Criticism & Self-Sabotage.  I hope it makes a difference!

I am Jenny Garrett, Executive Coach, founder of Reflexion Associates, a leadership and coaching consultancy and author or Rocking Your Role – the how to guide to success for female breadwinners. Find out more about me, my programmes, speaking engagements and training at rockingyourrole.com and sign up for my newsletter

Why you must take a holiday

Why you should take holidays

RockingYourRole_Jenny Garrett

I’ve just come back to work from 3 weeks off over the Christmas period, which was fantastic.  I had time with my family, watched films from start to finish, which I rarely do (Horrible Bosses had me laughing out loud, great film if you haven’t seen it) and took long baths and read for pleasure.

I confess, I checked my social media, responded to the odd email but I didn’t attempt to or want to get my teeth into anything workwise.  This took discipline because I run my own business, and it’s really hard to switch off.  Even if you are employed, you know what it’s like.  For me there are always exciting opportunities, collaborations coming my way, conversations that I want to contribute to and new ideas that I want to put into action.

The result?  My first week back has been really productive, I purposefully didn’t book any external meetings, so have been burrowed away in my office.  I called it creative and planning time in my diary.

You know those things that you keep meaning to do but don’t and often end up doing over your holidays, well this week I’ve done those.

Things like writing new assignments for the ILM Coaching and Mentoring Course that I deliver, following up with clients to see their progress, deciding what I will delegate, archiving, actually booking in meetings with those connections that I know I would benefit from chatting over coffee with and putting together a clear strategy for 2013.

What’s even better, is that I have done them with a clear head and relaxed body, I know I have been more productive and the quality of my output has been better than it would have done otherwise.  You see when I get too busy, too tired, I lose my groundedness, my centre, my connection to what’s important.  This is why I take regular time out to make sure that every connection is a good one, that my intentions are connected to what’s important to me: supporting women juggling work and home, particularly those who are the main earner. Ultimately, I want to be the best: wife, mother, daughter, granddaughter, employer, coach, colleague, speaker, author, friend, I can be without losing myself in the process.

So what am I going to do to keep working from this good place:

  1. Meditate at least 3 times a week in order to keep my mind clear and my focus sharp – the Chopra center does a 21 day mediation – only 5 minutes per day which is really effective
  2. Book in my holidays now – if I wait for a gap in the diary it wont come.  I am going to book three holiday slots in my diary when I will not be working.  These don’t have to be exotic holidays, you can be at home if you’re disciplined enough.
  3. Keep delegating – I know that family, friends, colleagues all want to help if I give them the space and guidance to do so.

So what about you? Reach for that diary right now and book those dates out, and feel the weight lift off your shoulders and your productivity improve. Even if you can’t control the amount of holiday you take, make sure that you take the maximum entitled to you.

I am Jenny Garrett, Executive Coach, founder of Reflexion Associates, a leadership and coaching consultancy and author or Rocking Your Role – the how to guide to success for female breadwinners. Find out more about me, my programmes, speaking engagements and training at rockingyourrole.com and sign up for my newsletter

Leadership Success programme for Women – 4th March, 2013

Want to live in state of contentment, happiness and abundance in 2013?

Want to:

  • feel truly present at work and in your family roles?
  • Have ‘me’ time?
  • Feel that you have choices?
  • That you can share the responsibility and it’s not all down to you?
  • Be guilt- free?

This one day programme is designed to help you Rock Your Roles in life

BOOK NOW early bird ends 14th Jan, 2013

——————

Speakers:

Andrew Priestley – international speaker and award winning coach will share the ten money managing skills that WILL make a profound difference to your relationship with money

Joanna Pieters – founder of Time Wizard will share how to choose, use and manage outsourcing to help you succeed at home and at work

Amber Khan – wellness mentor and author will set you on the path to living a guilt-free life

Jenny Garrett – executive coach, speaker and author will practical steps to move you from struggling and juggling to rocking your roles in life

Find out more about us here

—————–

Learn:

  • How to have the ‘money’ conversation that you’ve been avoiding
  • Improve your communication
  • How your leadership preference is impacting your communication
  • How to avoid the pitfalls that most Women Breadwinners fall into
  • Strategies to succeed and feel in control

——————

Who is it for:

Women who are the primary earner in their home

Women entrepreneurs

Women executives

***LImited to 8 particpants***

Programme Overview:

The aim of the programme is to help women like you, lead themselves to success:

Using the 12-step process designed by Jenny Garrett from her work coaching hundreds of women and outlined in the research in her book Rocking Your Role, you will:

  • Focus on your Personal and Professional Leadership skills
  • Increase your critical leadership skill of Self-Awareness
  • Understand the Emotions that may be holding you back
  • Embrace your Femininity as a strength
  • Celebrate Success
  • Action Plan

Benefits:

  • Increased Confidence in your ability to cope and succeed
  • Freedom from the shackles of guilt, resentment and shame
  • Improved sense of psychological, physical and spiritual Well-Being
  • Sense of Direction and Purpose
  • Community and Belonging through the Support of the group
  • An ILM (Institute of Leadership & Management) certificate

What have you got to lose?

No quibble money back guarantee if you dont find the day valuable

What participants have said:

****

A fabulous, supportive, empowering course for female breadwinners and entrepreneurs to share ideas

Hannah Foxley, Women’s Wealth Expert
****

Empowering and an eye opener

Aina Khan, Family Law Consultant

*****

Enlightening, delicate, but rich

Cherryl Martin, CMO with FTSE 100 Marketing, Sales and Business Performance Expertise

*****

Reflective of my needs

Caroline Peryagh, Director, Global Client Strategy

Book Now ***LImited to 8 participants*** early bird ends 14th January, 2013

See RockingyourRole.com for more about Jenny, her speaking engagements and events.

Women – How to Ditch the Guilt 


Female Breadwinners RockingYourRole - Tip 29

Feminist writer, Erica Jong, wrote in her 1973 novel the Fear of Flying: ‘Show me a woman who doesn’t feel guilty and I will show you a man’. While some 21st century men might groan in protest at this slightly skewed view of the sexes the statement holds some truth even today.

A survey by Stylist Magazine in 2010 found that 96% of women feel guilty at least once a day. Friendships, relationships, work and body shape, were the main causes. Of the 1,324 women and 55 men questioned by the magazine, 92% claimed that men felt less guilt than women.

I have to admit that I have also found this. In my work as a leadership coach and author I’ve noticed that the Achilles heel for many senior female leaders and female breadwinners is often guilt. I find women more than men have internalised this feeling as if it were a natural part of being. Guilt is almost like an accessory that they carry around all day like a heavy handbag making them weary and imposing on every aspect of their lives.

It’s such a shame as guilt is a useless emotion that is simply just a platform for wishing and imagining. You wish you could spend more time with your children and as a result you might imagine them crying all day long when you leave to go to work. Guilt doesn’t allow you to live in the reality that your child probably stopped crying the moment you left or that you actually really enjoy your job as much as your family life and don’t want to sacrifice time there.

This place where we feed fears leads to poor health and poor decision making. You might for example feel the only way to alleviate guilt brought on by your position as the main earner is to become a stay-at-home mum or to leave work early. But would sacrificing your career to feel less guilty really help anyone?

What feeds your guilt? We all have buttons and unfortunately those closest to us seem to know how to activate ‘guilt trip’ mode – especially kids. In my book Rocking your Role: the ‘how to’ guide to success for female breadwinners I suggest it’s time to ditch the guilt once and for all. The framework I set out isn’t designed to make you an unfeeling robot but a more emotionally stable person who can see things for what they are and get on with enjoying life!

Here are a few tips on how to ditch the guilt for good:

Stop beating yourself up– being the main earner should be an enjoyable time for you so stop turning it into a nightmare and accept things for what they are. You might not be able to do it all but you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it. Constantly battling yourself will derail your family, career and health.

Replace guilt with trust – you need to trust that for others to be happy you don’t have to be unhappy. Trust that others can cope and that you don’t need to control everything. If you share responsibilities be it with your family or partner you will be relieved from guilt because the load is no longer all on you.

Don’t be a martyr – women can be infuriatingly self-sacrificing sometimes, never allowing themselves to do things for their own happiness, splurge on treats or say no to people for fear of letting them down or not appearing perfect. Often this puts us in a position of the martyr but remember self-sacrifice is ultimately never really rewarded or appreciated so don’t let guilt inform this sort of decision.

Give 100%-don’t sit at work thinking you should be at home with the kids and likewise don’t sit at home with the kids thinking you should be at work! Give 100% whatever the situation and don’t let guilty thoughts distract you from having a good time and enjoying yourself.

If you leave your guilt about being the main earner unchecked it can become the centre of your universe very quickly. It can lead to heated arguments, depression or even poor decision making.  Guilt will drain your energy and take away from the freedom you have to enjoy your life and time with loved ones. So don’t let it win, ditch your guilt today.

I am Jenny Garrett, Executive Coach, founder of Reflexion Associates, a leadership and coaching consultancy and author or Rocking Your Role – the how to guide to success for female breadwinners. Find out more about me, my programmes, speaking engagements and training at rockingyourrole.com

Post Navigation

%d bloggers like this: