rockingyourrole

For women who Rock their Role in work and life

Archive for the tag “confidence”

Floella Benjamins 4 C’s philosophy on life

Floella Benjamin

At the age of 64 Floella Benjamin is still lively and youthful. For those of my generation Floella is best known for being a presenter on the children’s TV show Play School

What you might not know is that on 28 June 2010, Lady Benjamin was introduced to the House of Lords as a Life Peer nominated by the Liberal Democrats with title Baroness Benjamin, of Beckenham in the County of Kent.

In this role Floella is a campaigner for families and especially children. I met Floella once, the experience evoked so many childhood memories that I babbled like a schoolgirl and she politely and kindly smiled at me – I imagine this happens to her all the time.

This week Floella led a talk on Women in the 21st Century at the House of Lords, which I joined online. She shared her 4 C’s philosophy for life and I am sharing them with you below:

1 – Consideration – not to be judgemental – you never know what others situations are, just because they are not reacting in the way you want them to, or by your rules, it doesn’t mean that it’s personal.

2 – Contentment – have a happy and contented heart – don’t be jealous of others, instead learn to live with less. She asked ‘Why are we neglecting our children, why do we always want more?’

3 – Confidence – have high self esteem, high self worth – you need to be able to look in the mirror and say I like that person looking back at me. The more you give, the more you will receive, even if that wasn’t your intention.

4 – Courage – stand up for truth – always stand up for what your believe in!

Floella also mentioned the specific challenges that women have, such as being invisible in the workplace and she said that black women may have to take their foot off the accelerator so not as to be perceived as aggressive in the work place.

Her comment that most resonated with me was ‘women are like babies, throw them in the deep end and they’ll survive’

So what do you think about Floella’s 4C’s? It”s likely one will stand out for you that you will particularly need to work on. Take a look and work out why and what you might need to do.

Looking at 64 year old Floella, this philosophy obviously has anti ageing effects, so its worth a try!

I am Jenny Garrett, Executive Coach, founder of Reflexion Associates, a leadership and coaching consultancy and author or Rocking Your Role – the how to guide to success for female breadwinners. Find out more about me, my programmes, speaking engagements and training at rockingyourrole.com and sign up for my newsletter

Self-Confidence, Self-Criticism and Self-Sabotage

I came across this Blog by Ann Ulrich through one of the members of my LinkedIn group Afi Afori, who incidentally has launched the Women in Sales awards which will take place this year

Every one of us needs to be confident about what we have to offer the world.  For some reason the self-criticim and self-sabotage is more apparent among women.  I wont go into what I feel the reasons are here, although I know it starts from childhood

Anyway read Ann’s article and let me know what you think Self-Confidence, Self-Criticism & Self-Sabotage.  I hope it makes a difference!

I am Jenny Garrett, Executive Coach, founder of Reflexion Associates, a leadership and coaching consultancy and author or Rocking Your Role – the how to guide to success for female breadwinners. Find out more about me, my programmes, speaking engagements and training at rockingyourrole.com and sign up for my newsletter

Leadership Success programme for Women – 4th March, 2013

Want to live in state of contentment, happiness and abundance in 2013?

Want to:

  • feel truly present at work and in your family roles?
  • Have ‘me’ time?
  • Feel that you have choices?
  • That you can share the responsibility and it’s not all down to you?
  • Be guilt- free?

This one day programme is designed to help you Rock Your Roles in life

BOOK NOW early bird ends 14th Jan, 2013

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Speakers:

Andrew Priestley – international speaker and award winning coach will share the ten money managing skills that WILL make a profound difference to your relationship with money

Joanna Pieters – founder of Time Wizard will share how to choose, use and manage outsourcing to help you succeed at home and at work

Amber Khan – wellness mentor and author will set you on the path to living a guilt-free life

Jenny Garrett – executive coach, speaker and author will practical steps to move you from struggling and juggling to rocking your roles in life

Find out more about us here

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Learn:

  • How to have the ‘money’ conversation that you’ve been avoiding
  • Improve your communication
  • How your leadership preference is impacting your communication
  • How to avoid the pitfalls that most Women Breadwinners fall into
  • Strategies to succeed and feel in control

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Who is it for:

Women who are the primary earner in their home

Women entrepreneurs

Women executives

***LImited to 8 particpants***

Programme Overview:

The aim of the programme is to help women like you, lead themselves to success:

Using the 12-step process designed by Jenny Garrett from her work coaching hundreds of women and outlined in the research in her book Rocking Your Role, you will:

  • Focus on your Personal and Professional Leadership skills
  • Increase your critical leadership skill of Self-Awareness
  • Understand the Emotions that may be holding you back
  • Embrace your Femininity as a strength
  • Celebrate Success
  • Action Plan

Benefits:

  • Increased Confidence in your ability to cope and succeed
  • Freedom from the shackles of guilt, resentment and shame
  • Improved sense of psychological, physical and spiritual Well-Being
  • Sense of Direction and Purpose
  • Community and Belonging through the Support of the group
  • An ILM (Institute of Leadership & Management) certificate

What have you got to lose?

No quibble money back guarantee if you dont find the day valuable

What participants have said:

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A fabulous, supportive, empowering course for female breadwinners and entrepreneurs to share ideas

Hannah Foxley, Women’s Wealth Expert
****

Empowering and an eye opener

Aina Khan, Family Law Consultant

*****

Enlightening, delicate, but rich

Cherryl Martin, CMO with FTSE 100 Marketing, Sales and Business Performance Expertise

*****

Reflective of my needs

Caroline Peryagh, Director, Global Client Strategy

Book Now ***LImited to 8 participants*** early bird ends 14th January, 2013

See RockingyourRole.com for more about Jenny, her speaking engagements and events.

Money, Money, Money in a rich woman’s world

Many British couples are burying their heads in the sand over their financial situations. One in seven1 (14 per cent) couples over the age of 40 – or around 4.22 million people – admit they have never discussed their finances, according to new research from Prudential.
Fears about having awkward conversations drives this behaviour, with 15 per cent of those surveyed admitting they feel uncomfortable talking to their partners about financial planning.
A concern that these conversations will boil over into arguments is another reason that couples avoid talking about their finances – money is the third most likely subject to cause arguments among couples, with nearly one in four (23 per cent) claiming that they fight over finances, ahead of work (10 per cent), and politics and religion (5 per cent). Only household chores (27 per cent) and disputes about family (30 per cent) are more likely to cause disagreements.
Even for the majority of couples who do discuss their retirement plans, long-term issues are likely to be side-lined, as short-term everyday expenses take priority. Daily living costs and household bills are regularly discussed by the majority of couples (60 per cent and 52 per cent respectively), and one in three couples (34 per cent) speak about the costs of home improvements, large purchases and luxuries.
However, discussions about long-term planning are far less prevalent, with only 16 per cent of couples claiming to regularly talk about retirement income and pension planning. Only three per cent of couples claim they have had conversations about inheritance planning and tax.
Vince Smith-Hughes, retirement expert at Prudential said: “Money can be a tough topic to discuss at the best of times. Many couples prefer to steer clear of conversations about finances, and especially discussions about longer-term issues like retirement which might feel light-years away.

When was the last time you spoke to your partner about money? Unfortunately, sex and money are the subjects least spoken about in relationships. Left un-discussed, the issue of money can lead to resentment, shame and guilt all seething under the surface.

As a female breadwinner, in an effort not to emasculate or disempower you may have chosen to avoid money conversations with your partner, leaving you with the full weight of responsibility. On the other hand you might have thought it unnecessary to talk and behave as you like because it’s your cash, assuming that your partners silence means that it is OK.

Whatever the dynamic, conversations about money need to happen so you and your family can live a much richer life. In my book Rocking Your Role: The how to guide to success for female breadwinners I provide a framework for that conversation. Here are a few tips from female breadwinners I have met.

Identify attitudes– defining attitudes towards money is a good way to get the conversation started. Are you the same or different from your partner? If you don’t share the same values talking will help draw out some of the tensions. If you are too similar it might be better to discuss what you can both do differently to make the most out of money.

Make it practical – put all emotions aside and make money about practicality rather than power. You are in a great position to use your voice to break down taboos and decide what money means to your family.

Work as a unit – make choices about how you use and manage money together- a family unit can’t have people moving in different directions.

Join up accounts? – a joint account is one option that doesn’t work for everyone, it can make household and family spending a joint decision rather than a point of contention. Money can move freely and it doesn’t have to be divided up so obviously. You can always put money aside in a separate account as well.

Money conversations can help you make the right decisions about who manages it, what purchases and investments are made and how to build a future for your family. What happens as a result might surprise you! One woman I spoke to felt that women needed to earn at least equal to their partners to have an equal say in the relationship!

Talking about money is the only way to destroy the power it holds over us. It can be uncomfortable, embarrassing and stressful for everyone involved but having it out in the open is better than letting resentments fester on both sides.

Be the brave and courageous lioness I know that you are and start the conversation. Let me know how you get on!

I am Jenny Garrett, Executive Coach, founder of Reflexion Associates, a leadership and coaching consultancy and author or Rocking Your Role – I help professional working women move from struggling and juggling to rocking their many roles in life. Find out more about me, my programmes, speaking engagements and training at rockingyourrole.com

Black Friday Offer

For Today Only  – Book your One Hour Skype Coaching Session for only £25

Use Your One Hour to focus on one of these areas outlined in my book Rocking Your Role

  1. Your Values – what’s at the heart and essence of what you do and your decisions
  2. Your Choices – what choices are you making, why you are making them and who owns those choices
  3. Celebrating – what is good about your current situation that can be built upon
  4. Ditching the guilt –  ways to stop guilt holding your back and sapping your energy
  5. Assumptions – noticing how others assumptions may impact your behaviour and strategies to combat this
  6. Stopping – crafting your don’t do list, what do you need to give up in order to take yourself forward
  7. Communication – what channels are you using to communication, with how and how, what can be built on, what has not been said
  8. Interdependence – ways to collaborate and recognise what and who you need to make things work
  9. Honesty – being honest with yourself about what you want
  10. Fulfilment – being clear about the fun aspects of your life and giving them importance
  11. Wellbeing – focusing on improving aspects of your physical, psychological and spiritual well being
  12. Sharing/ Planning – bringing it all together into a plan for success

I will also throw in access to a 15 minute video recording sharing the 4 keys to success for working women.

Find out more about me here – my time is usually charged out at £200 – £400 per hour to those working in corporate organisations.

I will not be repeating this offer anytime soon.

To book go to http://blackfridayskypecoachingoffer-eorg.eventbrite.com

Have a great day

Female Breadwinner Rocking her Role – Servane Mouazan

Servane Mouazan is the founding director of Ogunte, a company focused on supporting women-led social ventures. She is a female breadwinner that takes satisfaction from the work she does rather than the money she earns. We talk to her about forgetting to get paid, why she knows everything about cows and the importance of doing what you love.

Hi Servane, first off could you tell me a bit about your background.

I come from Brittany in France and grew up in an average lower middle class family. My mum was a teacher and my dad was a social worker but spent most of his time singing and writing books.

How has your family life shaped you?

My parents were divorced when I was very young. So I grew up in a single parent family but my dad was always present, he visited once a fortnight. My mum had the tough task of being breadwinner, bringing back money to the house and taking care of two young children. This is something I learnt a lot from- the difference between what you need and what you want, what’s superfluous and what is a real treat. It’s harsh and it leaves some scares sometimes but actually with time you reflect on this and say to yourself, she did pretty well, she did a good job.

What is your earliest memory of work?

I left home when I was 19 and I went travelling because I didn’t want to stay at home. So as you do I became an au pair in the Netherlands. It was crazy. I ended up in a single parent family there as well! I lived with a single mum speaking French much better than me but I learnt Dutch through singing, university and through post. That was my first experience of being a breadwinner in the 90s, earning money by being a singer and au pair – it made me very excited.

What did you do after your degree?

After my studies I returned to Brittany but with little experience I found it hard to find a job. Fortunately, I could speak a range of languages so found work as an interpreter. That led me into a few funny situations!

I ended up working in the farming industry taking Dutch people on trips to visit dairy farms. I knew everything about cows! Imagining putting that on a CV- it definitely shows you have a broad interest in life. Language has been an essential asset to my life and enabled me to earn quite a substantial amount of money, anywhere and at any time.

How did being a female breadwinner and a social entrepreneur come about for you?

I moved to the Netherlands again and became involved in volunteering for community development initiatives it is here that I started my journey in social enterprise. Through this work I found opportunities to help on projects in Brazil. The people I worked with at the time were telling me I was good at what I did, so why don’t I charge? So my first big story was: I had forgotten to charge for what I did! Not so good if you need to be a breadwinner.

How does it feel to be a female breadwinner?

The satisfaction is more about delivering the work and achieving something. Seeing the connections between people and bringing people together was a revelation for me. It is a rewarding experience because of the understanding that there is a point in doing all this.

Did you make any mistakes on the way?

Well when you start you of course realise you know nothing about business and that is a job in itself and you have to learn everything. I remember I organised some gigs and shows to put the light on some development initiatives, the first band I booked cost me much more than I had been paid to show them. Disaster! I learned very quickly.

Who are your role models or the important figures in your life?

Apart from my dad, in the 90s my match in energy was a singer called Skin from Skunk Anansie. I liked her because of the energy she showed on stage, her political involvement and her directed lyrics. It was a point when my interests and my passions were merging; politics, activism and performing arts.

Do you have any mentors?

On the activist side when I was in Brazil there was one artist that was particularly important to me, Marcello Uka. Sadly 11 years ago he got shot in a street robbery and he ended up in a wheelchair. Despite all the pain and the suffering he continued to deliver and compose songs. He is very strongly involved in all sorts of campaigning- when I first met him I thought we’ve got the same ideas but he has them in a good order; I’ve got them in a random order. So he became a sort of mentor to me and still is. He is going for mayor in the city of Rio in Brazil- he just never stops.

What’s been most challenging for you as a female breadwinner and social entrepreneur?

For me I can’t dissociate the money making from my political involvement or my activism or my values. Which can be bad because at the same time I have priorities; I have rent to pay, I have a son to feed so I will always need to find a cause to fight and be paid for.

That said I still do a lot of things for free, too much according to my mentor. If I say yes to too many things I am creating my own poverty, meaning I’m not sticking to my own values so I have learned it is ok to say no.

Confidence is a volatile currency and we are the first ones to sabotage ourselves so we need to always check every day about our values; are we keeping up with them? Money is part of it- what it brings, what it enables you to do and how it helps you survive but you need to be able to enjoy what you do as well.

What’s good about being a female breadwinner?

Well it is probably what is good about being a male breadwinner. I don’t put any difference on being a female breadwinner. This probably comes from my dad, when he married again he always used to say, my wife is doing work at home I just happen to be on a payroll outside the house but the money I bring is paying us all. I like that.

Female or male it depends on the stereotypes we follow. It’s about where you place value and being paid is just a technical question. My dad values what my mum and step mum do at home. But sometimes it feels like the whole of society doesn’t value what is being done at home, so there is a feeling that women will get something extra by working outside this context.

Do you think the currency of work is a problem?

Well yes. Another person I admire is Edgar Cahn founder of Time Banking. He says the whole point of one man hour as a currency is a very interesting thing because the economy doesn’t take into account all the contributions of the volunteers and the carers, and that there is a discrepancy for how we are accounting for these workers. There are some things missing from the state’s accounts. Unfortunately a lot of women are part of that category; they are in situations where they provide some sort of service that is never accounted for in pound value. We need to pay attention to that but things are changing slowly.

What do you think are some of the responsibilities of a female breadwinner?

It is important to think about how we spend our money. There is the breadwinner, the bread eater and the crumbles. Good can come when money is distributed in a new way. If someone can earn money and make it circulate so it creates more wealth and more value along the way- then that is a different category of breadwinner.

What legacy do you think you leave as a female breadwinner?

Depending on how you make your money is the nature of your legacy. I have chosen to be a social entrepreneur and I have chosen to help other social entrepreneurs and activists. That’s my thing, that’s my gig. I am not happy if I have to do something else!

What about the legacy for your son?

For my son I don’t think you can teach a child anything but manners and values. If he can say ‘thank you’, ‘please’ and be solution focused leaving his surroundings and environment in a better state than he found it, then I have done my job.

What are the top 3 lessons you’ve learnt as a result of being a female breadwinner?

Learning to charge for my work is number one! Other than that be sure you work with your assets,  try not to depend on anyone or any state – sometimes you have to and it is ok but it is not a long term solution at all- and finally create opportunities for others because it will eventually create opportunities for you.

Rocking Your Role: Female Breadwinners Leadership Success Programme 20th September, 2012

Confident Female Breadwinners

Have you noticed that some people just ooze confidence? They walk into a room and it’s like they have never failed at anything, never felt nervous, and never said the wrong thing. Sometimes you may feel inspired by these people; other times their gravitas may make you feel a bit small.

I looked up the dictionary definition of confidence – it said confidence was ‘belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities.’ How much do you believe in you? Or are you letting those less positive voices get in the way? Ones that tell you, you can’t.  I watched Ashley Banjos Secret Street Crew  recently, where he transforms groups of people into street dancing groups, and one talented young woman kept on saying that ‘she couldn’t’.  I wondered whose voice that was; a parent, a teacher, a partner or a minister perhaps, being recalled.

Those ‘I can’ts’ get lost in translation. What I mean by that is that my family would often tell me not to do things because in their eyes they were protecting my safety.  They didn’t necessarily want to dampen my adventurous spirit; they just wanted to keep me from harm. So the intention of the person may be good but occasionally ends up causing more harm or makes things more difficult.

Sometimes it can be a teacher who wants you to fit into the box of what is acceptable – you must have neat handwriting or behave in a certain way for example, if you don’t you are not as good as the person who does. I recently went to a talk by the popular children’s author Jacqueline Wilson and she said that her work was criticised and covered in red pen by her school teacher, but look at her now!

Later on as adults we need to re-evaluate those potentially negative comments, in light of what that person was trying to express at the time.  I coached a woman recently whose mum had told her that it wasn’t good to stand out from the crowd.  This was at odds with her role, which involved presenting to groups of people.  Her mum just wanted her to fit in, but as a successful career woman, her life was about doing just the opposite and she had to make peace with that.

Your confidence is in your hands and no one else’s. You can choose not to let those negative voices interfere and live a confident life to your full potential. Tim Gallwey, in his book, The Inner Game of Work, describes it as: Performance = Potential minus your Interference (that interference is those negative voices).

Easier said than done! Here are three tips to get you started:

  1. Imagine a positive outcome – concentrate on what might be instead of what isn’t present right now
  2. Be focused – focus on what you are trying to achieve, rather than what could get in the way
  3. Challenge yourself – when you hear your inner voice say I can’t do that – ask why not?

My book Rocking Your Role – the ‘how to’ guide to success for Female Breadwinners, will be out in June 2012

If you want to chat, gain support and read the latest from other female breadwinners, join my Rocking Your Role LinkedIn Group

Or sign up for my newsletter or tweet me @jennifergarrett

Some further links below:

http://www.mindtools.com/selfconf.html

http://blog.faboverfifty.com/2012/02/06/do-you-inspire-confidence/

http://www.forbes.com/sites/jacquelynsmith/2012/03/06/how-to-be-more-confident-at-work/

http://nerdfitness.com/blog/2010/09/09/5-ways-to-immediately-appear-more-confident/

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/8-ways-to-be-more-confident-live-the-life-of-your-dreams/

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