rockingyourrole

For women who Rock their Role in work and life

Archive for the tag “guilt”

5 Reasons Why Women Feel So Guilty

Amber Khan is one of the guest speakers on my Women’s Leadership Success programme taking place on 4th March, 2013

Below she shares her thoughts on why women feel so guilty.

9a59560be6535da6ef20b75b7a52d073Women can feel guilty about any & everything. For many women, the driving force in their lives is guilt. Somewhere along the way, it all becomes a matter of doing it all.

According to a daily mail article, a survey has found that more than 96 per cent of women feel guilty at least once a day, while for almost half, the feeling strikes up to four times a day.

Women tend to…

  • Be perfectionists. You feel guilty because you feel as though you have to live up to unrealistic expectations, and you cannot make mistakes.
  • Blame themselves. If you fail at even the slightest thing, you start to blame yourself for not being good enough. Then you feel guilty for being somehow “lesser than” all those women/mothers who seem to be doing it right.
  • Can’t say No. Throughout history, women have been those who pleased others. Admit it we are people pleasers. Even when you really want to say NO, the only 3 letter word which comes out of your mouth is YES. If you do say No, the feeling immediately turns into guilt.
  • Put others first. We care for our partners, families, friends & co-workers. We do & buy things for them but feel guilty when we consider those things for ourselves or even to take time out for ourselves.
  • Be control freak. We tend to take responsibility of everything at work or at home and shy away from delegating chores. Why? Because we are afraid of losing control. We’d rather boast about our multi-tasking skills than face the music of feeling ill, stressed, overweight & exhausted.

The guilt builds and builds until it becomes not a consequence, but rather, that driving force that keeps you moving forward even as a little piece of you is screaming to slow down, take a deep breath, take it easy, and don’t let life sweep you away with the tidal wave.

Do you recognise any of the above traits in yourself, found yourself nodding away to some?

Come along to the Women’s Leadership Success programme to find strategies to ditch the guilt

I am Jenny Garrett, Executive Coach, founder of Reflexion Associates, a leadership and coaching consultancy and author or Rocking Your Role – the how to guide to success for female breadwinners. Find out more about me, my programmes, speaking engagements and training at rockingyourrole.comand sign up for my newsletter

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Leadership Success programme for Women – 4th March, 2013

Want to live in state of contentment, happiness and abundance in 2013?

Want to:

  • feel truly present at work and in your family roles?
  • Have ‘me’ time?
  • Feel that you have choices?
  • That you can share the responsibility and it’s not all down to you?
  • Be guilt- free?

This one day programme is designed to help you Rock Your Roles in life

BOOK NOW early bird ends 14th Jan, 2013

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Speakers:

Andrew Priestley – international speaker and award winning coach will share the ten money managing skills that WILL make a profound difference to your relationship with money

Joanna Pieters – founder of Time Wizard will share how to choose, use and manage outsourcing to help you succeed at home and at work

Amber Khan – wellness mentor and author will set you on the path to living a guilt-free life

Jenny Garrett – executive coach, speaker and author will practical steps to move you from struggling and juggling to rocking your roles in life

Find out more about us here

—————–

Learn:

  • How to have the ‘money’ conversation that you’ve been avoiding
  • Improve your communication
  • How your leadership preference is impacting your communication
  • How to avoid the pitfalls that most Women Breadwinners fall into
  • Strategies to succeed and feel in control

——————

Who is it for:

Women who are the primary earner in their home

Women entrepreneurs

Women executives

***LImited to 8 particpants***

Programme Overview:

The aim of the programme is to help women like you, lead themselves to success:

Using the 12-step process designed by Jenny Garrett from her work coaching hundreds of women and outlined in the research in her book Rocking Your Role, you will:

  • Focus on your Personal and Professional Leadership skills
  • Increase your critical leadership skill of Self-Awareness
  • Understand the Emotions that may be holding you back
  • Embrace your Femininity as a strength
  • Celebrate Success
  • Action Plan

Benefits:

  • Increased Confidence in your ability to cope and succeed
  • Freedom from the shackles of guilt, resentment and shame
  • Improved sense of psychological, physical and spiritual Well-Being
  • Sense of Direction and Purpose
  • Community and Belonging through the Support of the group
  • An ILM (Institute of Leadership & Management) certificate

What have you got to lose?

No quibble money back guarantee if you dont find the day valuable

What participants have said:

****

A fabulous, supportive, empowering course for female breadwinners and entrepreneurs to share ideas

Hannah Foxley, Women’s Wealth Expert
****

Empowering and an eye opener

Aina Khan, Family Law Consultant

*****

Enlightening, delicate, but rich

Cherryl Martin, CMO with FTSE 100 Marketing, Sales and Business Performance Expertise

*****

Reflective of my needs

Caroline Peryagh, Director, Global Client Strategy

Book Now ***LImited to 8 participants*** early bird ends 14th January, 2013

See RockingyourRole.com for more about Jenny, her speaking engagements and events.

Women – How to Ditch the Guilt 


Female Breadwinners RockingYourRole - Tip 29

Feminist writer, Erica Jong, wrote in her 1973 novel the Fear of Flying: ‘Show me a woman who doesn’t feel guilty and I will show you a man’. While some 21st century men might groan in protest at this slightly skewed view of the sexes the statement holds some truth even today.

A survey by Stylist Magazine in 2010 found that 96% of women feel guilty at least once a day. Friendships, relationships, work and body shape, were the main causes. Of the 1,324 women and 55 men questioned by the magazine, 92% claimed that men felt less guilt than women.

I have to admit that I have also found this. In my work as a leadership coach and author I’ve noticed that the Achilles heel for many senior female leaders and female breadwinners is often guilt. I find women more than men have internalised this feeling as if it were a natural part of being. Guilt is almost like an accessory that they carry around all day like a heavy handbag making them weary and imposing on every aspect of their lives.

It’s such a shame as guilt is a useless emotion that is simply just a platform for wishing and imagining. You wish you could spend more time with your children and as a result you might imagine them crying all day long when you leave to go to work. Guilt doesn’t allow you to live in the reality that your child probably stopped crying the moment you left or that you actually really enjoy your job as much as your family life and don’t want to sacrifice time there.

This place where we feed fears leads to poor health and poor decision making. You might for example feel the only way to alleviate guilt brought on by your position as the main earner is to become a stay-at-home mum or to leave work early. But would sacrificing your career to feel less guilty really help anyone?

What feeds your guilt? We all have buttons and unfortunately those closest to us seem to know how to activate ‘guilt trip’ mode – especially kids. In my book Rocking your Role: the ‘how to’ guide to success for female breadwinners I suggest it’s time to ditch the guilt once and for all. The framework I set out isn’t designed to make you an unfeeling robot but a more emotionally stable person who can see things for what they are and get on with enjoying life!

Here are a few tips on how to ditch the guilt for good:

Stop beating yourself up– being the main earner should be an enjoyable time for you so stop turning it into a nightmare and accept things for what they are. You might not be able to do it all but you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it. Constantly battling yourself will derail your family, career and health.

Replace guilt with trust – you need to trust that for others to be happy you don’t have to be unhappy. Trust that others can cope and that you don’t need to control everything. If you share responsibilities be it with your family or partner you will be relieved from guilt because the load is no longer all on you.

Don’t be a martyr – women can be infuriatingly self-sacrificing sometimes, never allowing themselves to do things for their own happiness, splurge on treats or say no to people for fear of letting them down or not appearing perfect. Often this puts us in a position of the martyr but remember self-sacrifice is ultimately never really rewarded or appreciated so don’t let guilt inform this sort of decision.

Give 100%-don’t sit at work thinking you should be at home with the kids and likewise don’t sit at home with the kids thinking you should be at work! Give 100% whatever the situation and don’t let guilty thoughts distract you from having a good time and enjoying yourself.

If you leave your guilt about being the main earner unchecked it can become the centre of your universe very quickly. It can lead to heated arguments, depression or even poor decision making.  Guilt will drain your energy and take away from the freedom you have to enjoy your life and time with loved ones. So don’t let it win, ditch your guilt today.

I am Jenny Garrett, Executive Coach, founder of Reflexion Associates, a leadership and coaching consultancy and author or Rocking Your Role – the how to guide to success for female breadwinners. Find out more about me, my programmes, speaking engagements and training at rockingyourrole.com

Speakers announced for Women Breadwinners Leadership Success Programme

Andrew Priestley ISMM-2Andrew Priestley is an award winning business coach, author and international professional speaker.

Qualified in Industrial and Organisational Psychology, Andrew helps people to both make and save more money and become more profitable.

This session will introduce you to ten money managing skills that WILL make a profound difference to your relationship with money. If your goal is to have more money you will enjoy this session. If your goal is to be debt-free this is a must.

Joanna Pieters
Joanna Pieters founded lifestyle organisation service Time Wizard after 15 years running large teams in high-pressure media businesses. Having seen friends and colleagues overwhelmed by the stress of juggling work, family, and health, she asked, ‘who can help?’ When the answer wasn’t obvious, she started Time Wizard to take on their to-do lists and daily tasks, allowing pressurised families to be healthier, happier and less stressed.

Joanna helps her clients be more successful by finding practical ways to identify and outsource appropriate areas of their lives. She helps clients see delegating at home as a sign of strength, rather than something to feel guilty about, allowing them to focus on the things that are most important to them and their families. An expert in delegation, organisation and productivity, Joanna is in regular demand from the UK media to talk on subjects as diverse as decluttering and time management.
This session will introduce you to how to choose, use and manage outsourcing to help you succeed at home and at work.
9a59560be6535da6ef20b75b7a52d073
Amber Khan is a wellness mentor, speaker, an entrepreneur &  a soon to be published author of Guilt-free Mum.
She has experience of working in the corporate environment, the pressure & responsibilities which come with it, in addition to the household responsibilities of a mother.
A health scare 2 years ago impelled her to change her lifestyle. To let go of the super mum & mummy-guilt syndromes for a healthier & sustainable future for herself & her family. She has since helped several mothers along their journey of guilt trips.
Amber is passionate about liberating mothers from ineffective practices & to put them on the path to living a guilt-free lifestyle.
and me – Jenny Garrett  423744_10150696561171514_1808655218_n

Sought after executive coach, mentor, founder of Reflexion Associates leadership consultancy and author of Rocking your Role.

I have featured extensively in the media, on programmes such as: Radio 4′s Woman’s Hour & Newstalk radio as well as writing articles and contributing to many national publications, such as Sun Employment and Glamour Magazine. I am also a blogger for the BOSS American woman’s online network. Over 10 years of experience as an executive coach and trainer has enabled me to create this practical and transformational programme.

Only 6 places left – BOOK NOW **** Early bird price only £75

Move from struggling and juggling to Rocking Your Role in life

Sound familiar:

  • Torn between work and family roles?
  • Zero ‘me’ time?
  • Feeling that you have limited choices?
  • It’s all down to you?
  • Riddled with guilt?

This one day programme is designed to move you from struggling and juggling to Rocking Your Role in life

Learn:

  • How to have the ‘money’ conversation that you’ve been avoiding
  • Improve your communication
  • How your leadership preference is impacting your communication
  • How to avoid the pitfalls that most Women Breadwinners fall into
  • Strategies to succeed and feel in control

Who is it for:

Women who are the primary earner in their home

Women entrepreneurs

Women executives

Only 6 places left – BOOK NOW **** Early bird price only £75

 

Programme Overview:

The aim of the programme is to help women like you, lead themselves to success:

Using the 12-step process designed by Jenny Garrett from her work coaching hundreds of women and outlined in the research in her book Rocking Your Role, you will:

  • Focus on your Personal and Professional Leadership skills
  • Increase your critical leadership skill of Self-Awareness
  • Understand the Emotions that may be holding you back
  • Embrace your Femininity as a strength
  • Celebrate Success
  • Action Plan

Benefits:

  • Increased Confidence in your ability to cope and succeed
  •  Freedom from the shackles of guilt, resentment and shame
  •  Improved sense of psychological, physical and spiritual Well-Being
  • Sense of Direction and Purpose
  • Community and Belonging through the Support of the group
  • An ILM (Institute of Leadership & Management) certificate

Only 6 places left – BOOK NOW **** Early bird price only £75

What participants have said:

****

A fabulous, supportive, empowering course for female breadwinners and entrepreneurs to share ideas

Hannah Foxley, Women’s Wealth Expert
****            

Empowering and an eye opener

Aina Khan, Family Law Consultant

*****         

Enlightening, delicate,  but rich

Cherryl Martin, CMO with FTSE 100 Marketing, Sales and Business Performance Expertise

*****

Reflective of my needs

Caroline Peryagh, Director, Global Client Strategy

Only 6 places left – BOOK NOW **** Early bird price only £75

Black Friday Offer

For Today Only  – Book your One Hour Skype Coaching Session for only £25

Use Your One Hour to focus on one of these areas outlined in my book Rocking Your Role

  1. Your Values – what’s at the heart and essence of what you do and your decisions
  2. Your Choices – what choices are you making, why you are making them and who owns those choices
  3. Celebrating – what is good about your current situation that can be built upon
  4. Ditching the guilt –  ways to stop guilt holding your back and sapping your energy
  5. Assumptions – noticing how others assumptions may impact your behaviour and strategies to combat this
  6. Stopping – crafting your don’t do list, what do you need to give up in order to take yourself forward
  7. Communication – what channels are you using to communication, with how and how, what can be built on, what has not been said
  8. Interdependence – ways to collaborate and recognise what and who you need to make things work
  9. Honesty – being honest with yourself about what you want
  10. Fulfilment – being clear about the fun aspects of your life and giving them importance
  11. Wellbeing – focusing on improving aspects of your physical, psychological and spiritual well being
  12. Sharing/ Planning – bringing it all together into a plan for success

I will also throw in access to a 15 minute video recording sharing the 4 keys to success for working women.

Find out more about me here – my time is usually charged out at £200 – £400 per hour to those working in corporate organisations.

I will not be repeating this offer anytime soon.

To book go to http://blackfridayskypecoachingoffer-eorg.eventbrite.com

Have a great day

Online Seminars/Webinars for female breadwinners, executives and entrepreneurs

Female Breadwinners

Jenny Garrett, author of Rocking Your Role has crafted a series of 45 minute on line sessions, ideal for the busy working woman to get bite size input into their development.
Numbers are limited. BOOK NOW

Session Name: Ditch the Guilt – Top Tips for Working Parents
In this interactive session led Jenny Garrett, author of Rocking Your Role. You will discuss ways to ditch the guilt that often comes with being a working parent and learn to maximise the time you have with your family
To Book: http://www.skilio.com/session/info/2481
Date: Mon 26 November 2012  8:00pm
Cost £15

Session Name: Getting Noticed for all the Right Reasons – for women
In this interactive session, Jenny Garrett, author of Rocking Your Role, focuses on verbal communication, body language and image to stand out positively in the work place
To Book: http://www.skilio.com/session/info/2452
Date: Mon 10 Dec 8:00pm 2012
Cost: £15

Session Name: Make it Happen! – Craft your Vision for 2013
In this practical session, Jenny Garrett, author of Rocking Your Role, will guide you through the process of creating your personal and professional vision for 2013
To Book http://www.skilio.com/session/info/2453
Date: Tuesday 15th Jan 2013 8:00pm
Cost: £15

Session Name: Getting a Competitive Edge – Top Tips for Women Entrepreneurs
In this interactive session, Jenny Garrett, author of Rocking Your Role, will share her holistic top tips for being competitive in crowded market
To Book: http://www.skilio.com/session/info/2561
Date: Tuesday 22nd January 2013 8:00pm
Cost: £15

What would be different if you had no guilt?

I have been collaborating with a newly found kindred spirit – Jane Upward around the topic of women and guilt.  We’ve had some really interesting discussions about:

  • whether guilt is an illusion,
  • whether you own it or it can be given,
  • whether you can live a guilt free life?

and mused about:

  • whether guilt related to your religion, upbringing, experience, values?
  • and if you don’t feel guilty, do you really have a heart?

What do you think, could guilt be a motivator and a positive  force for change?

What makes you feel guilty, or have you kicked the habit, if so, how?

These are not rhetorical questions, we really do want to know what you think, so feel free to leave a comment

We will be talking about guilt and its many facets on Viv Oyolu’s Dream Corner Radio show on 29th June at 12pm, OnFM 101.4, tune in and continue the discussion with us.

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Throughout the month of June, I will be sending out daily inspiration and tips for female breadwinners, sign up to my newsletter to ensure that you receive them direct to your inbox

My book Rocking Your Role – the ‘how to’ guide to success for Female Breadwinners, will be out on 28th June 2012

If you want to chat, gain support and read the latest from other female breadwinners, join my Rocking Your Role LinkedIn Group

Tweet me @jennifergarrett

www.reflexion-uk.co.uk

Female Breadwinners – A Resource for you

It’s pleasing to see a small number of courageous women sharing their experience of being a female breadwinner, and those who want to support them. Here are a few:

Divine Caroline – who has taken 10 years to admit that she is the breadwinner

My piece on the fabulous Women Blog on why women should come out of the closet as breadwinner

A further segmenting of female breadwinners focusing on black women who this article states have been the breadwinner for a long time

The breadwinner Mom blog written by Traci Love Feit which shares her experience with her husband who is a stay at home Dad

Here’s a counselling and psychotherapy angle from Anne Marie Hearne which says that resentment, shame and guilt are part of the package for female breadwinners

The female breadwinners debate  from Women of HR

Lastly, a blog about female breadwinners and the law, shockingly some women are losing their children when they become divorced

Lot’s of good reading.  If any strike a chord with you or if indeed you disagree with any of them, please feel free to share your thoughts.

Enjoy your Saturday

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Throughout the month of June, I will be sending out daily inspiration and tips for female breadwinners, sign up to my newsletter to ensure that you receive them direct to your inbox

My book Rocking Your Role – the ‘how to’ guide to success for Female Breadwinners, will be out on 28th June 2012

If you want to chat, gain support and read the latest from other female breadwinners, join my Rocking Your Role LinkedIn Group

Tweet me @jennifergarrett

www.reflexion-uk.co.uk

Guilt is the enemy, stop holding its hand.

What am I talking about?

Well guilt is a crutch for many women, you may say that you don’t like it but somehow your actions show something different. Like the abusive partner, you just keep going back.

Think that you’re not that kind of girl? More sense, more savvy.

What have you felt guilty about in the last 24 hours?

Perhaps:

  • You didn’t call your Mum, your sister, your best friend.
  • You didn’t talk kindly to a work colleague or the person who sold you your diet coke.
  • Perhaps you think you are neglecting your partner or your kids.
  • Or you haven’t looked after the spiritual side of your life recently,
  • Maybe it’s that you haven’t be to the gym or eaten right.

Stop kidding yourself, like the abusive partner, the only way to get rid of guilt is to tell him you don’t need any more. It’s over and you’re not coming back. Yes, you might miss him in the beginning, but there are many more emotions to hold hands with.

Imagine life without guilt…wow, there was an audible sigh of relief.

What would you replace it with?  Enjoying every moment, maybe?

Every time you feel guilt today, replace it with a more positive and energising feeling, like gratitude, joy, hope and see how others around you respond and how you feel.

Let me know.

If you want to chat, gain support and read the latest from other female breadwinners, join my Rocking Your Role LinkedIn Group

Or sign up for my newsletter or tweet me @jennifergarrett

My forthcoming book: Rocking Your Role – the ‘how to’ guide to success for Female Breadwinners, will be out in June 2012

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